By Brittney M. Walker
For those of you with burning questions or left with some holes from the story (join the club), I’ve compiled a little list of facts to help out a bit. This is also for you judgy ass mofos who made assumptions and doled out your ‘advice’ without asking questions (I’m not angry, just annoyed). It’s not an exhaustive list, but it may answer some questions you wanted to ask. Feel free to ask privately if you don’t see your question listed.
1. Have you tried edibles or weed since?
The experience was kind of traumatic. In a few different ways and has deterred me from willy nilly trying edibles. I understand this person, with whom I had this moment, was experimenting and has been perpetually high since 13. So he has no real idea how to deal with dosages. But this doesn’t mean I won’t try again at some point.
2. Will you try edibles again?
Yes. As a matter of fact, I’ve got two different experienced cannabis chefs I’m working with to create responsible experiences for my travel community. I’m working with a woman in New York to curate a cooking class for a small group of folk. I’ll be announcing that opportunity soon.
3. So, were you and this chef ‘friend’ fucking before this?
Great question. No, as a matter of fact, we weren’t. When we met, I was in a relationship and I was faithful. This chef guy was someone I interviewed for a story about food justice. We remained in contact after the story and primarily engaged in platonic phone conversations about politics, art, food and what not on sporadic occasions.
I had no sexual or romantic attraction to this man.
4. If you weren’t trying to fuck, why did you go on the trip with him?
First of all, I’m judging you for even asking this question. I find it so limiting that many believe a perfectly healthy and attractive woman hanging with a man means sex, unless he’s gay. Often it’s true, but still lol.
Second, I’ve got this start up called Beyonder (BeyonderTrips.com) in which I curate immersive local Black travel experiences for Black travelers. He was on a list of possible vendors for a cannabis experience. I couldn’t rightfully curate something like that without properly having done it myself. He and I coordinated this trip to explore some ideas, try dishes, and discuss iterations. We both had individual personal needs in this destination city, so we decided to carpool.
5. Who is this guy?
He’s a married man over 50 years old with three children over 12. He’s got a catering business and plans to write/publish a cannabis cookbook. He also works in food justice. Ironic, I know.
Want to know more? Call me.
6. Are you guys still friends? Do you two still talk?
No and no. At the time I wrote the previous post, I was still processing the incident, deciding on an appropriate reaction. I also wanted to give myself space for healing, a space for forgiveness, and a space for conversation and apologies.
We spoke in depth for the first time about the incident a day or two after I published the original post. I shared my feelings, my pain, my brokenness with him. I told him that I was violated.
His initial response was irresponsible. He denied any culpability. He apologized for me feeling the way I do and insisted that the interaction was consensual, despite me being high and he sober.
We are not friends, friendly associates, or business associates at this point.
7. Do you have any regrets?
8. Why did you publish this raw experience?
A few things come to mind. First, read my “welcome” post. Second, I wanted to be candid and hold myself accountable for this honesty thing I often preach about in my private life. Third, something happened to me that was not only hilarious in retrospect, but that was also traumatic. Sharing my story meant providing a platform for others to share theirs as well, or at least deal with something that seems kind of gray. This was rape. Maybe it wasn’t violent in the traditional sense. I didn’t seemed forced to do anything. But I was essentially drugged, under the influence, and unable to make sound decisions. I was then taken advantage of and the person who did it, did not take responsibility. I was Cosby-ed ya’ll! I don’t plan to press charges (for now). But my desire is share space with others to talk about rape culture, being Black and female, being sexual, being raped, and indulging in whichever ‘vices’ (responsibly or irresponsibly) without being shamed or blamed. There is also opportunity here to discuss healing, forgiveness, support, sexism, resources and more. We’re just getting started here.
9. What’s next?
I think there will be some forums and events I and some others host around the country for these kinds of discussions, for weed, for laughter. There will also be more posts about this topic until November when a new story comes out. There will be opportunity to have private discussions. I’m open. Let me know what ya wanna see, hear, read.