Recently I had an epiphany about my perspective of being a single (uncommitted) woman. Currently, I’m in a relationship (I brag) with someone I personally feel is something of a celebrity. He doesn’t say so of course, but anytime we’re out, he knows someone and randomly in different states and strange cities. It’s very funny. Anyway, with his ‘celeb’ status and amazing looks and personality, women tend to flock, flirt and hope for a little attention.
I’m a jealous woman, I’ll admit. However, because I’ve accepted that he’s going to attract the ladies, I don’t trip. I just laugh with him about it in private. Typically I roll my eyes and suck my teeth when they come and try to stroke his ego and flirt a little. I think, “Girl, you funny. It ain’t gonna happen. You cute though.”
But something different happened recently.
We were hosting an event and lots of people came, including bloggers and such. A woman knows when another woman is trying to get her man. There was one such chick. Very pretty, cute, alla that. She immediately started flirting. It didn’t bother me much until the day wound down to the end when she was lingering a little too long in his face, smiling a little too wide, and leaving her hand a little too tenderly on his shoulders. Her name was forgotten quickly and was being called all kinds of names in my mind. Lawd and cute chick, forgive me. It wasn’t right to call her names, quietly lol. I probably gave her the side-eye too.
In the moment, I didn’t understand why I got heated so quickly, as it is atypical. But as I processed the moment and analyzed my emotional switch, I discovered that I expect respect from uncommitted women in the sense that they should always assume a man is in a relationship and approach him with such caution until he proves that he is not.
Perhaps this isn’t what the typical woman expects, but I think I have a point. See, when I was uncommitted, I would not approach a man I’m interested in without severe caution unless he made it apparent that he was not in a relationship. I don’t want problems with anyone, especially a jealous woman like myself. Sh*t can go south real quick!
But besides not wanting problems, as a woman, I have general respect for other women, meaning there’s no need to step on toes and cross boundaries unnecessarily. I think uncommitted women should assume a man is in a relationship and act accordingly until there is reason/proof that he is not in a relationship.
Though flirting and all that is part of the fun, being blunt is also pretty helpful when communicating your crush. So, say I’m that cute chick and I see this fly guy and decide that I want to get to know him. Along with casual conversation, before I get too involved, I’ll probably ask a question or say something along the lines of, “Do you have a girlfriend?” From there, if he says no, then I’ve got the green light to go in for the ‘kill.’
The added benefit of this ever so polite technique is that it alleviates wasted flirtations and a little embarrassment. For example, we’ve all had that girlfriend who’s telling a story about how she met this fine, tall dark and handsome man with a good job, no kids and a college degree. While she’s batting her eyes in an attempt to lure him into a seductive stare, landing soft hands on his to give him a taste of how soft her skin feels and laughing at his corny jokes to boost his ego, she doesn’t find out until later that he’s already got a boo… or he’s gay. The conversation ends with out of breath, loud talking about how if he had told her in the first place, she wouldn’t have wasted so much time trying to get his attention. I like to proceed about people relations, especially these types, with caution and I certainly don’t like to waste time. So I vote the approach of COMMITTED until proven single.
More importantly, however, I don’t want to fight any jealous chick or cause friction with someone that could possibly be a resource, a sister, or a friend. Like guys say, “Bros before … (Girls),” I say Sisters before misters. And like the Bible says, don’t cause your brother to stumble, I say don’t cause your sister to rumble, i.e. me!
The other side of this, I suppose, is not to negate the responsibility of the man who is in the relationship to recognize when someone is trying to holler and act accordingly. But that’s not my point.
NTways… after I vented about this nonsense to my man, we continued and continue to laugh about my, what he calls “rude mouth” about the situation. At the end of the day, communication is key and I promise not to curse out the cute chick next time I see her.